


break me down, then build me up

by maliciousmuke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Broken Michael, Cheating, Eating Disorders, Heartbreak, M/M, Sad Michael, Sad with a Happy Ending, luke is an asshole and cheats on michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliciousmuke/pseuds/maliciousmuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>luke cheats on michael, and michael is broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	break me down, then build me up

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: michael does kind of have an eating disorder in this (anorexia) so please don't read this if you think it will trigger you
> 
> woah okay this is just some sad shit that i wrote and i guess it's okay. read it if you want to physically feel your heart snap in half

luke grabbed his car keys, a small smile on his face as he swung the door open. michael sat on the couch, watching _friends_ on the tv.

“where are you going, lukey?” he whined, outstretching his arms to the boy.

luke waved, putting his phone up to his ear. michael could hear it ringing quietly from where he sat. “going to have lunch with ella.” luke whispered so that the person on the phone couldn’t hear him speaking, then let the door close quietly behind him.

michael slumped over slightly, sad that his boyfriend was leaving him again. luke had been hanging out with that girl for over two weeks now, and michael had become a side note to luke. he saw the way that ella eyed luke, and he didn’t like it one bit.

michael felt used. luke would cuddle him and they would watch movies together, but his blonde boyfriend always jumped at the chance to hang out with ella. michael felt replaced, like luke didn’t need him anymore. or even want him, for that matter.

he rolled off the couch, heading to his bedroom to sulk.

-

luke entered his and michael’s shared room, flicking on a lamp and waving to michael. the collar of luke’s leather jacket was pulled up too high, and he looked like he had no neck. it looked dumb, and michael wondered why the hell he’d even put it that way.

“hi, lukey,” michael smiled, and luke smiled softly back at him.

“hey, mike.”

“it’s eleven, luke. you’ve been out for eight hours, what’ve you been doing?” michael tried to keep the tone of his voice light, because he didn’t want luke to find him needy and annoying. he just wanted to know what his boyfriend had been doing all day.

“just hanging out with ella,” he shrugged. michael pulled the comforter up to his shoulders, trying to make himself appear smaller. ella was small, thin, and pretty. maybe luke would like him better if he was that way too.

“oh. will you come cuddle with me?” he asked quietly. luke nodded, kicking off his shoes.

he crawled into bed with his skinny jeans and leather jacket still on, a strange look in his eyes. michael squirmed as the leather rubbed uncomfortably against his arm, and he tugged at it. “luke, take this off. it’s itchy,” he whined, but luke shook his head.

michael pulled it off anyway, the jacket coming halfway down luke’s arm. that was enough, however, to reveal the fresh purple hickey on luke’s neck. a hickey that michael definitely had not made.

michael froze, and so did luke. he looked up to luke, who was staring at him with wide eyes. “luke?” he choked out.

the blonde looked down shamefully, and michael felt tears welling in his eyes. luke didn’t want michael anymore. he had found someone better, and michael would be left in the dust. he threw the comforter off his body, standing and heading straight to the door. he wanted calum and ashton.

“michael, please,” luke begged, “listen to me.”

“okay, luke. i’ll listen. what happened? did you let her? let her kiss you and mark you?” michael asked, voice shaky as he held back his tears. he just wanted to go to calum and ashton’s room.

luke looked down, and michael felt his heart crack. it had obviously been consensual, luke hadn’t tried to stop her. he liked her better than michael. michael felt broken.

he left the room, tears starting to fall down his face. he went into calum and ashton’s room to see them cuddled up in bed, both still awake. they both rushed towards him when they heard a sob escape his lips.

“mikey, what happened?” ashton whispered, tugging the pink haired boy to the bed. calum sat next to them, a hand resting on michael’s thigh.

“luke cheated,” michael cried, and calum was up on his feet. his fist were clenched, and ashton set his jaw to the right. “he doesn’t want me anymore. i’m not good enough for him.”

“i’ll kill him,” calum growled. “i’ll fucking beat his ass.”

michael didn’t feel the need to stop calum when he left the room. seemingly, neither did ashton. the curly haired boy held him while he sobbed, clinging desperately to his shirt. “i’m sorry,” michael sobbed, “i’m sorry i wasn’t good enough.”

“michael, hey, this isn’t your fault at all,” ashton soothed, “luke is a complete dick for what he did. this is not your fault at all, mikey. please don’t be sorry, luke doesn’t deserve you.”

michael heard calum shouting, but he could only understand select phrases, like ‘you absolute asshole’ and ‘you need to get out’. michael wanted luke out of the house, where he wouldn’t have to see him again. he wanted luke to just go and be with ella, who was much prettier and kinder and more perfect.

calum came back after a few seconds, his knuckles bruising slightly. michael assumed that he’d hit luke, and he tried not not feel sorry for the blonde. “michael, luke wants to know how you feel. if you’re done with him.”

michael nodded. “tell him to go stay with her. he likes her more, anyway. we’re over.”

it hurt so badly in his chest, the fact that luke wasn’t his boyfriend anymore. that luke had found someone better. sure, it was inevitable, but michael hadn’t expected it so soon. he let out a broken cry into ashton’s chest, the sound seeming to fuel calum’s anger. he left the room.

michael could hear them this time. they were in the living room, and calum was seething. “he said you’re over. go stay with her. he doesn’t want to fucking see you, and neither do i. get out.”

michael heard luke let out a pained whimper, and he wanted to go jump back into his arms. but he knew he couldn’t. “tell him i love him,” luke mumbled, and michael cried harder.

“did you fuck her?” calum asked calmly. luke muttered a quiet ‘yeah’. “then you don’t deserve his love anymore. get out. you can get your things tomorrow.”

michael heard the door slam shut, and he felt himself shaking in ashton’s arms. “it’s okay, mikey. get some sleep, yeah? cal and i will see you in the morning.”

-

michael had invited an old friend over. calum and ashton wanted to go on a lunch date, but he just couldn’t bear being alone right now. so he sat with danny, his head resting on the boy’s chest. michael had no feelings whatsoever for danny, they were like brothers. danny was there when michael needed him.

so he cried into danny’s chest, unable to think about luke without tears running down his face. “i just feel so broken. i’m not good enough, am i?”

“mikey, luke doesn’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve what he did to you. i promise you’re perfect, little bro, and someone else will realize it soon enough.” danny ran his fingers through michael’s hair, comforting him and showing him the love that luke hadn’t. well, maybe not the love that michael wanted from luke, but love nonetheless.

the door handle jiggled a bit before luke stepped in the house, eyes widening at the sight before him. michael curled further into danny, hiding his tear ridden face in his shoulder before luke could see. he pinched danny’s hip, silently telling the boy to make luke leave before he broke down any further.

“um, you need to leave,” danny said, wrapping an arm around michael. michael heard the door close, but luke hadn’t moved from where he was stood.

luke puffed out his chest, and michael peeked out slightly. “this is my house. who are you?” this was not luke’s house anymore. he didn’t belong here, with calum, ashton, and michael. he’d had everything so good, but he’d gone and fucked it up. it was no one’s fault but his own.

“you don’t live here. i’m michael’s brother, and he does not want you here. please leave, or i will make you,” danny seethed, and michael was glad he was defending him. michael wouldn’t have been able to handle luke on his own.

“michael doesn’t have a brother,” luke muttered, and michael wanted to scoff. who was luke to question danny? to act like he cared about michael?

“i’m closer to him than you ever will be again, and you need to get out. this is the last time i’m telling you.” michael was afraid for luke. danny was very muscular, and he could snap luke in half like a twig. it was in luke’s best interest to back down now.

“michael, look at me,” luke said firmly. michael whimpered and tightened his grip on danny’s shirt. danny let out an animalistic growl. michael looked up to luke, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks stained pink from crying so much. luke seemed to deflate.

“what do you want from me?” michael asked brokenly. “i’ve given you everything. i have nothing left.” michael couldn’t keep his voice from breaking, and he couldn’t stop more tears from running down his face.

luke opened his mouth, and then it closed again. danny stood from the couch and pointed to the door. “you’ve done enough. i think you should leave.”

luke stared at michael, who was holding back a sob. he looked to danny, then nodded his head and left.

michael was broken. he’d given luke all his love, and now he was left with nothing.

-

michael was better. it had been two weeks since he’d last seen luke, and he was feeling happy again. there was still a tear in his heart, but everyone around him was helping to mend it. danny, calum, and ashton were always there, telling jokes and bringing him chinese take out. michael felt loved again.

they were at a club. michael needed time out of the house, and he wanted to maybe meet someone new. someone better than luke.

michael sipped at his glass of water, his friends all surrounding him at the bar. danny was watching all around michael, making sure he was safe. he had grown extremely protective and now slept in luke’s old room. calum, ashton, and michael had gladly invited him to stay with them for a while. he was part of the group until michael was completely healed of his heartbreak.

they sat quietly for a few minutes before danny’s hand flew to michael’s arm, and he was tugging him off the bar stool. “hey, do you have to go to the bathroom? i think we should go to the bathroom.”

michael raised an eyebrow, turning to look back at calum and ashton. they were glaring across the room, and michael followed their eyes across the club. he was met with blonde hair, and his smile fell.

luke was grinning, ella hanging off of his shoulder. there were hickeys littering both of their necks, and michael was frozen. ella tapped luke’s shoulder, and he turned to press a kiss to her lips. then his eyes met michael’s.

michael didn’t know why it hurt so much. he should’ve know luke and ella had gotten together, but it hadn’t really crossed his mind. michael’s eyes were wide and his mouth hung open slightly, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of luke and _her_.

ella was just so _pretty_. she was thin, she was beautiful, and she was perfect. so many things that michael wasn’t, and it was so wonder that luke had left him for her. she was better than him in so many ways.

michael turned around with tears in his eyes and danny engulfed him in a hug, before bringing him home without a word to luke. michael went home with determination coursing through his veins.

-

michael hadn’t been eating. the last three weeks were spent with a snack here and there, and the past three days were empty of food. michael was losing weight. his hips bones stuck out and his cheekbones were sunken in, but no one knew what to do.

michael was sick. he’d lost his tummy, and he was so fucking proud. so fucking glad that he wasn’t so disgustingly _fat_ anymore. maybe luke would want him now.

calum, ashton, and danny were worried. they tried to give michael food, but he wouldn’t eat. he refused everything they gave him. he was going to die if he didn’t eat soon.

michael sipped at his cup of water. he was lying on the couch, too weak to move very much. he was home alone, as all the boys had gone out for lunch.

ashton had left his phone, and it was buzzing on the table next to michael. he didn’t know the password, though, so there was no way to see who was texting and calling so many times. it couldn’t be that important.

michael was coughing loudly when there was a knock at the door, and it didn’t stop. then michael heard muffled shouting, but he couldn’t seem to make out the words or voice. his mind was too hazy.

he stood from the couch, knees shaking as he stepped to the door. the world was spinning and michael struggled to stay upright. michael felt awful, and he was surely flushed and sweaty. he unlocked the door, leaning on it for support as it swung open.

and there was luke. the angry look on his face vanished when he saw michael, the normally tight tee shirt hanging off of his tiny frame. michael couldn’t find it in himself to feel sad or upset, only sick.

“michael, are you okay?” luke whispered. michael shook his head, eyes rolling back as he fell forward. he felt luke’s arms catch him as everything went black.

and then it was bright. his eyes adjusted to white walls and he could smell lemon cleaning wipes. he looked down at his arm to see an iv, something pumping into his veins. he glanced to the right and saw luke, who jumped to his feet when he saw that michael’s eyes were open.

“michael,” he whispered, coming to take michael’s pale, sweaty hand in his, “you could’ve died.”

michael stared blankly at luke, his mind processing things slower than usual. “why haven’t you been eating, michael? you’re so sick,” luke mumbled sadly, and michael picked nervously at his fingernails.

“wanted to be pretty, be thin. that’s how she is, thought maybe you’d want me then.” michael avoided luke’s eyes as he spoke, but looked up when he heard the boy’s sharp gasp.

“you did this because of me? mikey, no,” he cried, burying his head into michael’s thin sheets. “i’m so sorry, mikey, i fucked up so bad.”

michael tapped the iv sticking into his arm. “what’s in here?” he asked quietly, luke looking up with bloodshot eyes.

“tpn. that’s like, proteins and fat and shit. to help you get healthy again,” luke sniffled, michael looking at him with a horrified expression.

“luke, no! i can’t gain weight, please, i want to be pretty!” he sobbed, luke holding his hands back so he couldn’t tear out the iv. “i just want to be like her! i want you to love me!”

michael hit weakly at luke’s chest, a nurse coming into the room to calm him down, probably. he didn’t want to be calmed down. he wanted to be thin and pretty so that luke would want him again, and he wanted to leave the stupid hospital.

“michael, you need to stop. your heart rate is picking up.” the nurse spoke calmly, and then turned to luke. “maybe you should leave, sir.”

“i don’t want this shit in me!” michael screamed, “i want to be pretty! i want to be loved!”

luke was sobbing into his hands, curling up in one of the hospital chairs as the nurse strapped michael down to his bed. she shook her head softly before leaving the room.

michael was crying, tears running down his face and his hair a mess because he couldn’t move his arms now. “luke, please, take it out. i just want to be pretty for you,” michael begged, wiggling his arms and looking at luke desperately.

“no, mikey, you have to have it. you have to be healthy,” luke whimpered, rubbing at his eyes.

“please hit my button. i want the nurse.” luke stood and hit the button next to michael’s bed, the nurse showing up after a few seconds. “i want him out. i want to be alone.”

luke looked at michael with wide eyes, shaking his head. “no, mike, please let me stay. i want to be with you,” luke begged, the nurse tugging him out of the room as michael stared up at the ceiling.

then the room was quiet. michael was alone, and he listened to the calm beeping sound from his machine. michael felt insane for loving luke. he just gave so much to the blonde, and he couldn’t leave. couldn’t just forget about him.

michael laid in his bed for a while before his nurse came back in. “michael, we have some people requesting to see you. do you want us to let them in?”

“who is it?” he asked blankly.

“the blonde from earlier, and three other boys. they look worried.”

“tell them i’m fine.” michael clearly was not fine. “only let in the blonde from before.”

michael couldn’t see his friends yet. he wasn’t ready to see their worried and teary eyes. but he wanted luke. michael would always want luke, no matter what.

the nurse let him in the room, and he rushed to michael’s side. he held michael’s hand as the nurse stopped the flow of tpn into his veins. she said he would need more the next day. michael was just glad that it had been shut off.

she unbelted michael from his bed, letting him stretch and crack his back. then she left.

“cuddle me?” michael asked, and luke nodded frantically. michael shifted over and luke laid down next to him. michael curled into luke’s side, the blonde wrapping his arms around him.

luke rested his hand where he used to, on michael’s tummy. but it was gone. “mikey, you don’t have a tummy anymore,” he whined. he tried to squeeze michael’s hip like he used to, but he only felt bone.

“i know,” michael whispered, “i did it for you.”

luke felt his heart break. “mikey, i want you to gain weight again. i want to be able to squish your tummy and grip your hips, and i want to touch you without feeling bone. please, be healthy again.”

michael would do anything for luke.

-

it had been a month. danny had moved back home, since michael didn’t really need him around anymore. luke was always there. ashton and calum still shot him side eyed glares every so often, but he kept michael healthy and happy, so they let him be.

luke poked michael’s tummy. “mikey, you have your little tummy back! i love it, oh my god!” luke squealed. he quickly leaned down and blew raspberries into the skin there, michael giggling loudly.

“lukey, stop, it tickles!” he laughed, pulling luke’s head back up to his own. “you’re a dork.”

“i know. a dork that loves you. i’m so glad you’re better, baby. and i hope you know that i’d never hurt you again,” luke said sincerely, kissing michael’s cheek.

michael smiled softly at luke, pulling him back up to his eye level and away from his tummy. “i know, lukey. i believe you.”

luke pressed a sweet kiss to michael’s lips, unable to stop a smile from curling onto his mouth. he trailed kissed down the boy’s neck, stopping at his tummy. he left one slow, open mouthed kiss to it, and it left michael with ragged breathing.

the blonde made eye contact with michael, then began to blow raspberries again. michael groaned loudly, but couldn’t stop the giggles that followed afterward.

**Author's Note:**

> you can leave feedback via the comments or my [tumblr!](http://www.maliciousmikey.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thanks for reading! please leave requests in the comments! (ps i will literally write whatever the fuck you want me to i have no shame and neither should you)


End file.
